Who's Your Audience

I long ago departed from this blog but I keep it up and running to keep abreast of the latest Blogs of Note. Visit me at www.whosyouraudience.com.

And thanks for coming!

Moved to New Site

I have moved my blog to a new site: http://whosyouraudience.squarespace.com/.

Fear and Self-Loathing in Lexington

Not a day goes by that I don't stress over my weight, my appearance, what I just ate, if I can have a glass of wine, whether I should or shouldn't eat bread. It's enough to drive a woman crazy!! This has been a struggle for me since at least fourth grade. It was around that time that I hung with a group of girls that was essentially my support system. We were all in Girl Scouts together. We had slumber parties together. We were all in the same class together. We were a gang o' girls.

In my little fourth grade mind, they were all beautiful, smart, funny, sexy...yes, I said sexy. We were really starting to pay attention to boys at that time. There was one named David that everyone was just crazy about. He was blonde-haired, blue-eyed, tan, and just adorable. I always said I didn't like him. The truth was that I had a crush on him just like all the other girls but with the competition that surrounded me (my group o' girls), I didn't figure he'd even consider me...so I just pretended not to like him. I was short and chubby. It also didn't help matters that I had a dutchboy haircut (thanks mom) and Thelma glasses. I didn't stand a chance against my tall leggy friends...and to top it all off, I think they were all blonde (or at least that's what my evil low self esteemed alter ego has made them all out to be as the years have passed). 

This kind of thinking is obviously a form of self abuse—a self-loathing, really—and I still go through bouts of it on a regular basis. I wake up in a foul mood and start mentally beating myself up, refusing to look at myself in the mirror, trying on five different outfits because I think I look terrible in every one of them, and just make myself miserable. My logical mind knows that all of this is distorted reality. But when I get in these moods, I just have to ride the terrible tsunami until it ebbs down into the calm sea again. 

I know many women like this. In fact, I know enough women that do this to themselves that it's almost epidemic (ok, I really don't know the qualifying traits to deem something epidemic but I'm trying to convey the enormity of it all). Based on sheer numbers alone, I would guess that society has something to do with it. I can only guess, though. I have given this enough thought to come up with a theory that is plausible, at least in my own case. 

We know that self image is taught. So, we can say that self image is handed down through the generations. Generally, if your mom and grandma have a solid sense of self, so will you. I'm not playing the blame game, here, just simply analyzing. My mom was born in 1936. Her sister was quite a bit older than she. Nana was a daughter of the Great Depression, a housewife to my Papa who was a railroad worker. Imagine what life was like at that time. With America recovering from the Great Depression and entering World War II, home life for a lower middle class family must have been pretty difficult. Food rationing would have become a necessity during the Depression and even when times got better, those habits would still be ingrained—a survival instinct. Eating, therefore, carried with it a certain level of shame. This is the environment in which my Nana and my mom grew up. So, like all humans do, they taught what they knew...food was a precious commodity and eating more than your share was contemptible. 

Swing back to present day. Even with gas prices at their highest (I paid $3.99 per gallon just this morning), Rob and I still spend an average of $120 a week on food. Our refrigerator and cabinets are always full...and we never go without extras like cookies, ice cream, fruit, salmon, or the good whole grain bread. Yet I'm still dragging that cross of shame passed down to me from my foremothers. 

I've worked very hard to overcome the beast that is my alter ego...that evil woman who tells me I'm fat and worthless...but sometimes she gets the better of me and beats me down. I have yet to name her but now that I know from whence she came, perhaps I should....if you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them. I've had a hard time coming up with a name that represents all of those gross traits that she represents. Nevertheless, I'm going to continue to exercise, practice cognitive behavior management, and actually listen to my husband and friends who see my worth and speak of it often. Meanwhile, I'll call her Matilda until something better comes along.

How Many Jerks Did You Encounter Today?

God's Little Kitchen:

Image found on www.worth1000.com.

It's not as good as the original The Far Side comic strip, but it gets the job done. I guess God just wanted to spice it up a bit by adding jerks into the mix. How many Jerks did you encounter today?

The Claw Didn't Get Us

The directions indicated that it would take an hour and a half to get to Canoe Kentucky from Firefly Farm. Robert prepped our kit for the day: a yellow dry bag (from Wal-mart), a camel pack rucksack filled with Gatorade, water, protein bars, trail mix, sun screen and aloe vera, 550 cord, chem lights, one knife, a watertight box (also from Wal-mart) and spare batteries (for the camera that took this picture), and an SF survival kit. Forget Survivorman, I'm married to Robert Martin!! We left around 7:40 a.m. ready for our 12-hour fun float on the Elkhorn Creek.


The weather was quite cool but we were confident that it would warm up despite rain predictions for later in the day. We had taken this same 12-mile trip last year, although conditions were much dryer and we had to carry our kayaks through many areas. This year would prove to be quite different.

The Elkhorn Creek runs over 80 miles through Fayette, Scott, Woodford, and Franklin counties where it meets up with Kentucky River. There is whitewater, and rapids up to class III. Our particular section of the creek included some class I-II rapids. When I spoke with the owner while booking our trip, she recommended we try the lower class this year because the water level was high. She told us that if we felt the need for a bigger challenge after this trip, then she would recommend the class III. We took her advice and soon realized that she was right on the money!!

Pictured here is the Canoe Kentucky store. We arrived around 8:00 but our drop wasn't scheduled until 9:00. Since there were about 8 other kayakers and canoers also scheduled at 9:00, the nice folks at Canoe Kentucky agreed to take us to the drop-off point at 8:00.


The mighty and proud kayakers ready for the day at hand. Note the long sleeves.

As we took off, memories from last year's trip flooded back into my mind. If you kept quiet, you could hear all the sounds of nature melting the week's stress away.

It was sunny most of the day although the water was about 50 degrees! We didn't really plan on doing any swimming, though.

We stopped for a rest and munched on some trail mix, a blend of dried fruit, sunflower seeds, and coconut. Most of the shores are rocky although you could camp around the creek if you walked back into the woods a little bit.

Canoe Kentucky had placed foot pedals in some of their kayaks this year. It was a nice change and gave us some balance when maneuvering through some of the heavier waters.

Ah the dredded Claw. The Claw is a tree that literally sweeps kayaks and canoes under its branches. Last year, we were told by the elders to portage left as we approach it. If you remember from the newsletter, Robert was feeling adventurous. He avoided the claw downstream but then turned around, rowed hard back upstream and had me take a picture of him with his hand on the Claw. He was then subsequently swept away, losing our camera and his cell phone—after many explicatives starting the the letters "f" and "g," he made his way safely to shore. We fondly speak of it now...since no one was lost. We indeed portaged left this year and avoided the dreaded thing.

There were many animals living on and around the creek. Pictured here is one of some hundred or so turtles that we saw on the shores. As soon as we would pass them, they would promptly plop into the water to avoid us. We saw plenty of fish jumping around us. I couldn't get a good enough look at them to note their type although the Elkhorn is known for its rock bass, smallmouth bass, largemouth bass, and bluegill. There were a plethora of birds, including a king fisher that seemed to follow us for a good mile, intermittently diving into the water to grab a fish or perhaps a dragonfly.

We docked at Canoe Kentucky halfway through our trip to let them know what time to pick us up. On pulling my kayak up to the docking area, I lost my balance and fell right out into the water! My sweatshirt got soaked and I scraped my leg on the rocks...ouch! Remember that comment from the gorge trip about the guy who blew himself up with dynamite? That's why I didn't pick on him...a true moron moment. In true chivalric fashion, Robert let me have his long-sleeved t-shirt so I wouldn't freeze for the second half of the trip.

If you look closely at this picture, you will see a great blue heron in the brush, another denizen of Elkhorn Creek. He was seen flying above our heads at least three times during the course of the day.

We bore witness to many other animals while rowing on the creek. Seen here are some geese who were guarding their two chicks. You can see that they are both standing at attention, which was the posture of pretty much every goose we saw. If you veered too close, they let you know that you were not welcome!

As the day passed on, we came upon a fork in the creek. If we went right, the waters were smooth sailing. If we chose left, there was a round of rapids churning the water into a foamy torrent. We chose left. I watched Robert go first and, just as he was coming around the bend mastering the rapids, a large tree pulled him in. He crashed against it and rolled out of his boat. I knew I was in the for the same fate. In a split second, I assessed the situation and noted that Robert was standing about waist-high in the water as he maneuvered his boat toward the shore. I knew at that point that I would be able to stand when I got dumped out of my boat. The tree approached and sucked me in. My boat veered to the right and I dumped out. What I hadn't anticipated was the sheer chill of the water—it took my breath away and I couldn't think!! My eyes were wide and I panicked for just a minute until I heard Robert saying in a very calm voice, "you're okay." He talked me over to the shore. The kayak was upside down and the camera was floating in the water (although it was safe inside its watertight pack and tied to the boat). Once I got to shore and realized I was okay, I laughed. It was the best moment of the day!! Pictured here is the dreaded beast that capsized us both.

We caught our breath on shore and relaxed for a bit before taking off again. It doesn't look dangerous...but that little adventure reminded me of mother nature's power.

Toward the end of the trip, we saw a giant bird that we thought may be a hawk. On closer inspection, however, we saw that it was a turkey vulture. He is pictured here flying way over my head...fly on, Mr Vulture!!

There were areas that were quite covered with trees. You could almost imagine yourself kayaking through the swamps of Louisiana in these areas...without the predators.

Just before we reached the point where the Canoe Kentucky folks would meet us, we once again pulled over on shore to relax, enjoy a drink, and take in the scenery.

I assessed my boo boo from earlier in the day. It's a nice badge for a trip that challenged our core muscles and our reaction time.

Whether we go again this year remains to be seen but one thing's for sure—we'll certainly try our lucks on some class IIIs next time. Join us if you dare!!